Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
