I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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