okay pat passed out under dana's car
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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