I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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