Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i think i just lost a toe
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
