Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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