I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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