i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
