Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
