she takes plan B like it's going out of style
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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