Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I supernannyed him into submission
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
