somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
