dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
