Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
