I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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