i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
