I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
