if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
