I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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