Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
