Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
