I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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