So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
