theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
