I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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