The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
