i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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