I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize