dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
