I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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