Pants 0. Shit 1.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Someone shattered a urinal.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
