he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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