dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
