i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
