you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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