his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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