The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
