somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
