she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
