I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Someone shattered a urinal.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I love you. Go after that dick
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
