idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize