I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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