turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
