I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
