why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize