You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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