Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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