i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
