I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
