i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
