if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
