I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dicks are not precious.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
