Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
