were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
