at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
