My nipple is on Facebook.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
