great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
