i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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