so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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