I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
