Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
