No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize