before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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