if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
