Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just forgot I was standing up.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize