This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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