He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
